||[Jan. 12th, 2011|05:12 pm]
smart went crazy
I cannot explain the depth and consistency of these dreams. I'd almost like to just stop dreaming, because it's torture. The levels of happiness I feel in my dreams is overwhelmingly amazing, and then I wake up and realize it's not real.
I've begun asking myself several times during the day "Could I be dreaming?" I hope this will form a habit and maybe then I will be able to control my dreams away from that character. I love being that happy, but at the same time I hate having to wake up and realize I don't have that. Last night I recalled even going as far as telling her "I'm so glad I'm not dreaming this for once."
I'm pretty unhappy I guess in every other facet of life. My birthday is about a week away. My mom thought I was turning 24, my dad thought I was turning 26. I'm turning 25 and I feel like a total waste. Nothing is where it's supposed to be in my life, or at least the way I pictured it.
I'm dating a girl that I can barely stand most of the time, I think just to distract me from everything else, but it just makes me even more miserable.
I guess I might be joining the Coast Guard after graduation, I was planning on doing OCS but the recruiters are pretty terrible at answering any questions. I might just enlist I suppose. Other than that, I still have the option of building a giant tree-house in some forest somewhere. I'm going to throw out some resumes to places around Austin, like 3M and such.
Chris is having a birthday party for me in Austin on Saturday, that should be a fun distraction.
Twenty-five. Jesus Christ.