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smart went crazy

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The Calculation [Jan. 12th, 2011|05:12 pm]
smart went crazy
[Feel me |soresore]

I cannot explain the depth and consistency of these dreams. I'd almost like to just stop dreaming, because it's torture. The levels of happiness I feel in my dreams is overwhelmingly amazing, and then I wake up and realize it's not real.

I've begun asking myself several times during the day "Could I be dreaming?" I hope this will form a habit and maybe then I will be able to control my dreams away from that character. I love being that happy, but at the same time I hate having to wake up and realize I don't have that. Last night I recalled even going as far as telling her "I'm so glad I'm not dreaming this for once."

I'm pretty unhappy I guess in every other facet of life. My birthday is about a week away. My mom thought I was turning 24, my dad thought I was turning 26. I'm turning 25 and I feel like a total waste. Nothing is where it's supposed to be in my life, or at least the way I pictured it.

I'm dating a girl that I can barely stand most of the time, I think just to distract me from everything else, but it just makes me even more miserable.

I guess I might be joining the Coast Guard after graduation, I was planning on doing OCS but the recruiters are pretty terrible at answering any questions. I might just enlist I suppose. Other than that, I still have the option of building a giant tree-house in some forest somewhere. I'm going to throw out some resumes to places around Austin, like 3M and such.

Chris is having a birthday party for me in Austin on Saturday, that should be a fun distraction.


Twenty-five. Jesus Christ.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: spooky_nine
2011-01-13 11:57 am (UTC)


Get every promise the recruiters make to you in writing in the contract, and take it home to read before signing.
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[User Picture]From: wrapmeuptight
2011-01-13 05:29 pm (UTC)
Totally, thanks. I just wish they were more helpful. The dude in Dallas was less than helpful, so I started talking to the guy in San Antonio and he's just as useless. They won't even answer questions until I fill out paperwork.
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[User Picture]From: spooky_nine
2011-01-13 05:31 pm (UTC)
Are you in Angelo still? What about the ones here?
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[User Picture]From: wrapmeuptight
2011-01-14 12:48 am (UTC)
I am still in Angelo, you bailed on me last fall!...not that I'm resentful or anything. There is no recruiter here. There are like 3 in Texas, Dallas, San Antonio and Houston. I'm about to start looking into officer school for the Air Force or Navy though...just because I'd rather not just enlist.

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